Not Alone
by IsabelleHayven
Summary: Glinda loathes... musicalverse with a mention or two of book but nothing spoilerish for book


Disclaimer: Not my world, just my words.

Summary: Glinda loathes... (musical verse with one or two book things)

Spoilers: If you haven't seen the play then yeah... no spoilers for book-verse

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I am an idiot. A thousand – no, a MILLION – times over, I am an idiot! I could have had everything I ever wanted except that on top of being supremely shallow and self-involved and stupid… I am a coward. I said "I hope you're happy" and, I swear to Oz I meant it… with all my heart I meant it. I didn't know that it would evolve into what it came to. I watched as she rocketed into the sky and immediately I wanted to call her back but I didn't dare. There were guards all around and surely she would have suffered at their hands if she had come back. If she would have come back… She asked me to go with her and I just put a cape around her and told her I hoped she'd be happy. I missed my chance. So I stood quiet (and alone… I was truly alone) and let her defy gravity – just like she said she would. She was beautiful.

I let her go! (I can't breathe…)

I let them convince me to agree with the things they said. Would it matter? She was safe and away. But it was more than talk… it became a hunt. It became life and death. (Dead… I can't breathe!) I thought I could use my new power to protect her but I only made it worse. It's my fault Nessa is dead. Their hatred (loathing…) came on so quickly and their demands made me want to smash my own reflection. Her blonde curls and smug self-servicing smile made my skin crawl. Wicked? That's the evil one – staring at me…

Before he left, I clung to Fiyero at night, lustful and desperate. "Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight…" I'd cry into him, "I need help forgetting this hellish fight" and he'd hold me. But I didn't forget. He thought he was the only one looking to help her. He didn't know… he didn't know where I went every night, every day… I know how hard he looked. I looked harder.

I never learned how to fight. I never needed to. Bat my eyelashes, toss my hair (flip, flip) give a smile and whatever I wanted was mine. They told me to go. I went. She told me to let them think she was evil. She told me not to clear her name. She told me to hide. How could I fight her? My warped version of love, pounding through me, demanding I do whatever she asked. I hid. I heard her scream and it was all I could do not to scream myself.

I didn't do enough. I made the (patheticified, lying… WICKED!) Wizard leave Oz. I put Mme. Morrible in captivity (cage… caged like Animals!), jailed for life. I went to Munchkinland where they celebrated, singing and dancing and laughing – no one mourns the wicked! (Heart breaking… not gone… please… Elphie?) I smiled. I learned long ago how to smile when I felt broken inside. Boq, shining in sunlight with his tin body, stood nearby, grinning boyishly and I wanted to slap the smile from his face. There was a girl, young still… a kitten in her arms. I went to her. "What is your kitty's name, my dear?" I asked her and she told me she hadn't come up with a name yet. The cat had brilliant green eyes… "I suggest Fabala." I learned many a secret before… (don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart). The sweet child agreed and I thanked her, still smiling, still a fraud. I spoke of wickedness, how the wicked's lives are lonely… (she died alone…)

Having finally excused myself from them with murmurs of work, I went back to the castle. I was shocked at what I found. The hat (that dreadful hat… I can't believe she ever wore it… I can't believe she loved it…) was on its side and there was something wrong with the floor. I knelt and brought the hat to my chest. Chistery moved closer. "Miss Glinda…" He pried at the floor showing me a trap door where Elphaba had… (died? No… trap door… ALIVE!) "See?"

"Chistery!" I was shaking now. "Does this mean…? Is she…?" Chistery only bounced. I got to my feet, hat gripped tightly in my shaking hands. I ran to the stairs, crying out for Elphaba, begging her to show herself. But nothing happened. I didn't see her. I returned to the room, to Chistery. "Please… please… where is she?" I begged. He handed me a piece of paper from the floor. I suppose it had fallen from the hat. I unfolded it and read the words on it. It was a detailified escape plan. Fiyero was alive – it was his plan. _No one can know, Elphaba! Not even Glinda! _he wrote. "She wanted me to find this, didn't she?" I asked, tears in my eyes as I looked at Chistery. He only hopped a little. "Please, Chistery, you need to speak!" I chastised gently.

"Yes. Give Glinda!" Chistery bobbed again.

I praised him, caressed his face… thanked him. She may not have been able to tell me she was okay herself but this… this was enough. She was alive and safe, somewhere far from Oz.

And I was alone. (absolutely, utterly alone…)

Except…

I wasn't.


End file.
